Judgments and criticism are as hurtful to oneself as they are to others. Learning how to stop judging others and be accepting is healing for everyone involved; the person judging lightens, the one being judged softens, and the relationship blossoms. Being judgmental and critical becomes a habit over time. Finding ways to be loving and accepting can replace old ways of relating and become a new habit.
Why People Judge Others
People judge for various reasons. Some have been raised in critical or demanding families and learned to judge others as a normal way of relating. Some people judge others as a projection of their own self-judgments; they see in others what they don't like in themselves. Some people have low self-esteem and have a negative perspective about many things in life. Some use arrogance and belittling others as a way to temporarily feel better or more important.
In the end, none of these tactics help a person to truly feel better as they carry the negativity with them, even after throwing it at someone else. The only way to find peace and happiness with others is to love and accept them as they are. The best place to start is by loving and accepting oneself.
Stop Judging Yourself
The external is usually a reflection of the internal. People who judge others often judge themselves even more so. People who feel good enough about themselves see the good in others.
In order to stop judging others, stop judging yourself. Become mindful of self judgments and criticism and choose to let these go. Learn how to love yourself by releasing past mistakes, accepting present flaws, and focusing on the positive. With self-awareness anyone can learn to shift attention from a negative perspective to an uplifting and inspiring viewpoint. It just takes practice.
Love and Accept Others as They Are
No one is perfect. Each person has their set of weakness and faults, just as they have their skills and strengths. This combination is what makes each human being unique. Be accepting of other's imperfections and focus on their gifts as a way to stop judging others. There are many ways to do this, here are a few suggestions:
- Simply watch judgments and criticism rise to the surface – don't dwell on negative thoughts or act them out.
- Own any self-judgments being projected – be accepting of your own flaws.
- Replace judgments and criticism with positive thoughts – focus on what is good about the other person.
- Forgive others for their mistakes – be compassionate and understanding.
- Touch into the feeling of love – send this to others with thoughts, words and actions.
- Speak with kindness – communicate from the heart and soul.
Over time and with conscious practice, replacing judgments and criticism with love and acceptance becomes easier. Loving and accepting oneself translates into loving and accepting others; it's a reciprocal process within oneself.
Gini Grey - Gini Grey is the author of the book From Chaos to Calm, the CD Create What You Want, and audio courses on Spiritual Energy Awareness.
Join the Conversation